... it is falling in love slowly...
Early this morning, when i was about to get up and start the day right by helping my mom do the household chores, something makes me wonder and lie down on bed for quite some time. That something? I really don't know. I'm not certain about it but I know it made me think of what and how life is. :)
In the middle of my oh- so- early- daydreaming, I thought of what one of my professors have asked my friend about her past. She (my professor) said ‘what if that person comes back and this time, he is a totally changed man? Wouldn't you accept him to be your partner?’ This thought gives me a little smile on my face. Sometimes, really it is hard to just accept someone and make him/ her become a part of your life again. Moreover, if that person has been the reason why in some point in your life, you felt so down, deserted, depressed, and there was no one but only yourself to hold onto and single-handedly heal the wound he/she caused you. No matter how much support you get from your family, friends, and from above, it is no one but your own self could help you stand up and continue searching for your purpose. Life always offers us lessons which are bound to be learned in different ways. Some are kindheartedly accepted as well as learned and there are lessons which we intentionally refused of learning. Well sometimes, we're just being blinded of hatred and bitterness to learn those lessons for the reason that they're presented to us in the hard way. Likewise, we tend to dwell so much in our past which impedes us to grow and move forward. We cannot do anything to change what had happened, to tailor the damage that has been done. What good we can do about the situation is to go on, forgive everyone who caused us harm, forgive ourselves, and never live in our past but always learn from it. It is right but to live life without hard feelings specifically resentment. Nevertheless, as the cliché always goes, ‘change is the only permanent thing in the world.’ What we have been through could change us to a stronger, more mature, and this time a person which will face trials in life confidently.
Another thought which comes in my mind is the realization of how people dream of almost everything. From material things up to the intangible ones that no one even those fairies from dreamland could ever give. It made me think of people from past generations--- those who lived during the age of ice and stone. Do they also dream the way we do right now? Knowing that they are people, intelligent as they are, do they expect this kind of living we have today? If only time travelling exists, I would definitely go back to the time wherein people live in contentment and simplicity. Wherein the only problem they have was the food they’ll eat every single day. Though, it is still a problem nowadays for some, still there’s a big difference. Possibly if only I would be given the chance to travel through time, I’ll learn how to appreciate the life I have and be contented with it. I don’t have anything against dreaming for it is free and could be our motivation to do the best in everything. But too much of dreaming, it is what I don’t actually like. It makes us greedy and finds no contentment at all.
Then comes another thought. It’s personal to a certain extent though. Anyway, it’s my post, I have the liberty. So here. I’ve been thinking of the good old days and the "what if’s " I’ve been keeping for years. (Now I’m talking about the past, but reminiscing is far different from living right? :p) Seriously, people come and go. Some leave marks in our lives and there were some who passed by and... that's all! They just passed by without us knowing them wholeheartedly. In my life, a lot of special people were already gone. Most of them just go on their own way, leaving me behind. That's what I thought it was. I was wrong, It was a wrong judgment on my part. But I can't blame them for they only believed on what I've shown them. Now, I feel awful. Being snobbish, and the feeling of being high and mighty, for me is just one way of protecting myself. And mind you, I'm shy of showing off what I feel (but not this time). Of course, for them, it's a different story. Those special people, they don't really go, they're still with me. I was just so selfish and close-minded about how they feel. that I realized they also have the free will to be hurt, to feel tired and by that, they learn how to fall out of love. So, proven it is true that you only feel one's worth when they're gone. When they already stopped letting you feel you're such a gracious gift for them. Maybe, I am also scared of expressing this feeling of mine. Never we can tell that we're certain of everything. No matter how small or big those feelings are. It is up to us to let it out considering what it may bring to us. It's both hard if we choose to keep it, or to flaunt it. But nothing beats the happiness we might have once we decided to let others know about it. Now I understand, the things we dreamt of before might turn to be the biggest regret. Remember what I have mentioned above? We can make things right. There are still changes that awaits us. It is okay to regret but don't let it consume you for it may also be the reason why you can't move forward. Moving forward is easier said that done but taking it slowly will assure you of becoming a better person.
I have been sharing a lot. Well, it is life. That's the way it is. We can always have the control but sometimes it is also good to let things happen on their own way, you might feel bad about it but that's life, just live with it and let yourself learn how to fall in love with it... slowly.
